Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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