I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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