when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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