you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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