Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
