I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
