I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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