What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
