I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
