Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got inside last night via doggy door
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
