YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
