I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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