i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
God I need to hump something, right now.
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