the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I FOUND THE LEGS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
