probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
