no, he came in my armpit
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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