I must be too annoying 4 u.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
