Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
