I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
