I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
