giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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