I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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