So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
