I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
