This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
