Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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