is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
