mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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