they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Church boner. Awkwardddd
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
