Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
