did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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