Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
