New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
