i jhust puked up my retainher.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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