white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
