I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
