A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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