I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
