I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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