its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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