So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
