wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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