Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
