You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
