We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We are two peas in an std pod
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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