Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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