just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
