Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
