My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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