So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need moral support for this bender
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
