i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Your cock deserves a montage
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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