people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
