And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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