How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i think i just lost a toe
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
