Pants 0. Shit 1.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
