Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
