This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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