drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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