it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
